Auntie, you want me to bleach my skin?!

An Auntie are aunts that are the best at spoiling you, but they can also sometimes can be the worst! They can be nosy, gossipy, and armed with every other ridiculous opinion under the sun. Aunties are masters of throwing subtle shade. It’s always a competition when it comes to Aunties, especially when it comes to the title of who makes the best curry. Aunties are the first to comment on how fat you have gotten, but be the first to give you a big steaming plate of food and expect that you eat all of it.

Aunties can be critical of physical appearance and sometimes give you the worst makeup and hair advice ever. Auntie, perms are not in anymore! (UGH!)

Example: While getting ready for bed one evening, my Auntie gave me a tube of “Fair & Lovely,” a skin bleaching cream for my face and body. She told me that I would look prettier if I was a little lighter. I was offended by what she said, but I was a teenager and wanted to be prettier, so I used the nasty lotion on my face and skin. I remember it smelled terrible and even burned a little as I was putting it on; I ended up washed it off immediately thinking – “is it possible to be unfair and lovely?”

I didn’t learn about colorism and how it is a symptom of racism until I was older. Learning that truth helped me embrace my darker skin color in a way that I was not able to before. Projected beauty standards are everywhere. Ideal “fair skin” nonsense is even present in Bollywood movies - they often use special lighting to make the actor or actress appear lighter.

As a future Auntie (because it’s inevitable for Desi girls everywhere), “Fair & Lovely” cream will never be found in my home and hopefully people stop buying their products soon. Although, their website seems to be fraught with lots of evidence that colorism is alive and well.

It is important that we teach and practice self-acceptances - we are all lovely no matter our skin tone. Despite the bad habits of some Aunties (which is really just internalized oppression), Aunties give the best hugs, guaranteed non-stop laughter, and amazing food.

Thou Shall Not Be Ashamed Of Bollywood

As a child of immigrant parents, the Khan Family house, while technically in the United States of America seemed many times like an international zone. Inside there were vibrant and rich fusions developing—and not just in the kitchen. There was always loud music, lots of aromatic foods, and English being spoken with definitely not-English words and idioms. My six brothers and one sister always talking over one another…let’s just say guests would often say that our house was “noisy.”  I wasn’t always to embracing of my melting pot culture. In an effort to assimilate, I abandoned my Indian and Guyanese heritage. Not the food though – it just tastes too good.

Growing up my parents always blasted old Indian songs from “Coolie” (starring Amitabh Bachchan the former King of Bollywood) or songs from Lata Mangeshkar (India’s Nightingale). My siblings and I were always annoyingly bombarded with the sounds of old India early in the morning to wake us up, or Tabla music on long road trips, and during the holidays. We kids rolled our eyes, plugged our ears, and pleaded with Dad to turn on Radio Disney instead.

When it came to old Bollywood movies like Haathi Mere Saathi, one of my mom’s favorite movies of all time, we wanted nothing to do with watching it. I was fine with more modern day movies like Kuch Kuch Hota Hai, but I still thought that it was lame because of the random break out of 10-minute song and dance, the movie length, and the always over-dramatized, cliché emotional scenes where I picture a bunch of ‘Aunties’ getting together and singing a wordless refrain.  If you’ve seen anything Bollywood, you know what I’m talking about.

As I got older, I grew more distant to my Indo-Guyanese roots. I wanted to be as far away from it as possible until a year ago, when I discovered a nicely curated selection of Bollywood films on Netflix and dove in. I re-watched many Bollywood films that I remember from my childhood and experienced a deeper connection to my culture and people that I had not felt before. Now, a Bollywood film frequently shows up in my Netflix queue and I take my friends to see any newly released Bollywood films in theaters. My “Indian Tunes” playlist grows every week on Spotify, and I slide in an A.R. Rahman song between the Top 40 hits on road trips with my friends. I feel a degree of completeness when I listen to Indian music, and finally appreciate my parents blasting their Chutney (contemporary Indo-Caribbean music) and classic Bollywood songs.

The other day I was blasting my Indian music with my windows down on my way to work, and I pulled up at a stoplight. The people on the corner waiting to cross the street looked at me like I was some kind of FOB (fresh of the boat) immigrant, and my first reaction was to turn the music volume way down. It only took me a couple of seconds to remember that I don’t need to be ashamed of appearing too FOBBY and not looking cool! I vowed right then and there to never be ashamed of Bollywood again and to not let the diaspora from my Guyanese and Indian roots make me further internalize any more pressure to assimilate and blend in.

I have grand plans to visit Mother India one day. I think I will feel like a true child of India when I get Chai from a Chai Wallah and eat a plate of freshly made roti and curry